“Gun professor, I’ll punch whoever
Come here lookin’ like Conor McGregor
Leave this bitch lookin’ like Uncle Fester
Question, are we bitter rivals?
‘Cause we can shoot the Ks or the fade
‘Til both of our arms get vitiligo” – Royce Da 5’9″

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD…MLB IS HEEEEEEERE!!! Ya’ll know what time it is, I don’t give 2 shits about what any other site has said. It’s alllll about what makes sense and what feels good. It’s opening day, so we gotta feel this shit out. My job is to help you drown out all the bullshit, and get you where you need to be!

So…Let’s fucking go!!!


The guy who keeps the opposing team OFF THE BOARD. Picking a pitcher is like nailing Defense in NFL. It’s important. So don’t get cute. Also…when picking your pitcher, factor in, WHO IS CATCHING aka GAME CALLING/GAME MANAGING for your pitcher. The wrong call there, can spell gloom and fucking doom for your pitcher.  There are plenty of bats value wise to spice up your GPPs. I’m looking at…

P – Justin Verlander – ($9,500)Why? Simple, Cole Hamels is a shell of himself, and is a human trash bag/gas can. He’s not going to be able to keep the defending world champs off the board. Wouldn’t be surprised if the Astros put up 8 plus points.

New Format:

Yeeeea FanDuel got cute and wanted to give us the option for more points…I guess. I’ll personally be rolling out catchers in these spots. Give me alllllllllllllll the #CriminalOwnership!!

C – Evan Gattis – ($2,500) Why? He’ll be rolling out as the DH more than likely. But, he has Hamels…Yea, The big guy is going to be the Astro nobody is on, that goes yard lol. Love this spot for an Astros chalk bomb stack.

2B – Jason Kipnis – ($2,600)Why? We all know how potent the Cleveland bats are right? Ok…Add the fact he gets “King” Felix, who is longer apart of the kingdom lol. He posted a 4.36 ERA last season. With a team like Cleveland, you’re not allowed to post that an not expect to get your ass hammered.

3B – Nolan Arenado – ($4,300)Why? LEFTY GOAT!!! Arenado killlllllllllls lefties. Ask Kershaw…Oh…you didn’t know that? My bad. Nolan vs Lefties is a thing. He should be suuuuuuuper chalk, but because they’re playing in Arizona…he’ll probably be low owned. He’s my Lock Of The Day.

SS – Orlando Arcia – ($2,300) Why? Because of Joe Metz…the FanCaveDFS CEO…LMAO. Sike na, The brew crew is in a dope spot today. They get a gas can in, Clayton Richard. Dude is dumpster fire.

OF – George Springer – ($3,800) Why? Today is mash out Cole Hamels day LMAO

OF – Ender Incarte – ($2,800) Why? Crush Nola Day, oh…and SPEED KILLS. Sorry Mike!

OF – Andrew McCutchen – ($2,700) –  Why? If anybody is going to get a piece of Kershaw today…It’s gonna be Cutch. Pluuuuus , can we not forget that the Dodger bullpen is trash…yea. Giants got this one. Definitely some #CriminalOwnership.

Utility – Freddie Freeman – ($4,400) Why? Crush Nola Day! Ya’ll know what Freddie does in spots like this. YARD WORK!

That’s it… Simple and eaaaasy! Go out there and kill this slate!

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